Streaming

Just sitting with myself.

It’s the hardest thing to do. I wasn’t quite sitting the whole time but more like still laying but sitting with myself. Just thinking of things. Nothing specific needs worked out I think. The chaos is streaming not so chaotically. I’m streaming live. Not in a stream but streaming. My sitting with myself is streaming.

I finally get up not because I don’t want to or because I even did, I was just kind of ok where I was streaming. Getting up was going to be moving to a different place. Coming out of the stream. What will happen when I stand? Can I still sit/stream/stand with myself while I emerge to the day? Usually this is when I start to not. Once I’m up everything becomes a live chaotic not free flowing stream. It becomes dammed. I start to pool and leak over.

But it didn’t happen. I watched the water go down the drain. Which still isn’t a stream. Everything I was thinking went with it. Will it clog my drain? Would a plumber come and remove the elbow and say “here is your problem right here, it looks like rocks?” I would say “that’s weird” Then he would leave and never have been there as I would have taken the drain apart myself to gather my lost rocks.

I contemplated opening a tweet account, or a twitter account. Tweeter? Just to see what would happen. I know what would happen. I would tweet it all. But I have nothing to tweet. Or I have everything to tweet? I am not a Twitter. Or tweeter. Twaut? The language alone causes me chaos. I’m ok with my tweets to myself. Not afraid to share them but just comfortable enough to keep them to myself. Is that fear? I don’t require a bird following. I don’t fly in flocks. I stream in streams.

I tried to watch a stream streaming live. Just to hear it. It frustrated me that I was on this side of the device when I wanted to be the one on the other side of device worried about dropping my device in the stream streaming. I turned my live stream off and listened to my own stream for awhile.

Nothing thinking made any sense. It just needed thought to make some sense. All the things tumbling around in my stream just need tumbled. Tumbled until they are smooth and sit quietly at the bottom to let the water flow over them. Or small enough they get deposited in large bodies of water. Then sink slowly to the bottom. Or plucked out occasionally and skipped across the water to reach the other side. Or knocked down to break the damn dam, to be able to stream live. What?

Maybe we could have clear masks? They can make so many things clear. Glass, plastic, Saran Wrap. Actually that’s not many things. How do I know if someone is smiling or not? With their eyes? I am not an eye looker. It is a solid connection. I will know in a second if they are happy or sad. I will know too much of their happy and sad. A good clear mask would solve this for me. Except we would look like we had plastic over our faces. And I would panic of all the people suffocating. Including myself when I feel this even with a cloth I can breath through but not see through of my own. And they would steam up and show all the dirty things. I also don’t want them clear. I want none of them. Unless I’m undergoing a procedure. Not while I’m streaming.

I’m creating things to not be ok. I woke ok and now am stirring up my streaming flowing stream. I do it to myself. I am a stream stirrer now. I was good and lost the good as soon as the streaming picked up. I was streaming live. Now I’m dammed up. All stirred up not streaming.